Apocalypse Diary – The Shoe Falls

The next issue of the Bhagavad Gita (ch 1, vs 2-6) inexplicably disappeared without a trace. It is just gone, not even in the ‘trash’. I will try to remember what I wrote and get it to you asap. Meanwhile, I will be posting a journal for a few days in the hope of keeping you happy and coming back. 

Wednesday 4.9.14

Got a call this morning that mom is not doing well and Dr doesn’t expect her to last long. Thought about getting a taxi to the airport and finding the first flight to Kansas City. Realized that was rash and got online to discover that the only non-stop flight would leave before I got there; booked the next flight out at 7 pm.

Got word to two neighbors that I would be leaving, sat down, and the phone rang again. My mom is gone. My mom is gone and I wasn’t able to be there with her when she left her body. I so wanted to be there for her. But her pastor was there, and a social worker, with whom I spoke; very nice; I was glad she had been there.

Everything went smoothly to get to the airport and to the gate. I don’t walk well, so this was a blessing. Further blessing: first class was vacant so I got into first class with a very cheap upgrade, so the flight was also easy and I got fed, something I hadn’t thought about and which was essential if I wasn’t going to burn out on the first day. There would be much to do.

Found a decent hotel with a shuttle.

Thursday 4.10.14

Had a good sleep. Got going earlier than expected. Caught shuttle to airport to rent a car. Got to Clinton in time for meeting with Lyle (uncle) after finding and booking a hotel. Went to the funeral home to make arrangements for mom’s service and burial. Scheduled for Monday. Viewing starts at 10, service at 11, then burial.

Went to meet with mom’s pastor at Church of Christ. The three of us talked about her for two hours. Made arrangements with pastor to do her service. The women want to have food for everyone after burial. People there seem to be in awe of her. She had attended church regularly, driving herself there every Sunday until she went into the nursing home where pastor took communion to her every week. He visited her often, as did other members. Was glad to hear that she had so many people caring about her. She would have been 100 on July 20.

Uncle Lyle took me to dinner afterwards around 7. Hadn’t eaten since breakfast at the hotel. Had driven straight down to Clinton and been busy making arrangements all day.

Mom had some money in her checking account, and this would come to me as her only child. First thing I did was start giving it away … to her church, and to Uncle Lyle, whom I thought really deserved it, he did so much during the time I was bed-ridden myself for so many months, and he is so tired. He is 86. But I really must stop this kind of behavior. My situation is drastically dire. There isn’t enough money left to support me for many days. I must get practical and figure out how to put what money is left to work for me, rather than giving it all away and then going through what’s left and ending up on the streets after all (not joking here).

Jane called after I got in. Jane is an old high school friend that lives near by. She said, “I’m here. Use me”.

Can’t get to sleep. Too tired. Ate some left-overs from dinner at 3 am hoping to knock myself out. Emailed the funeral home to ask them to do the obituary. I can’t do it. My mind is not working.  Need to sleep. Need to get grounded. Will call Jane tomorrow.

Friday 4.11.14

Woke at 7 after only 2 hours of sleep. Immediately went to thoughts about yesterday, cheating memory of dreams out of recollection. Fooey!

Will call Jane today. This super excellent human being has her feet on the ground. Talking to her will cause this mind to be more sensible about things and maybe I’ll get my own feet on the ground! Jane is a BFF, truly.


Everything I hear about young girls today makes one think they are all back-biting little snoots. Is this what is really going on these days, or is this just “good copy” for media moguls who think that only bad things are of interest to people, and only bad things sell? Hard to tell for someone who is so out of the loop.

My own experience growing up was very different. All of the girls in my class in school were super nice, nice to each other, and nice to those who were less fortunate than they. It was rare that anyone did anything that hurt someone else. I only remember one or two times this happened, and when someone messed up, that person cleaned it up right away. 

Old saying: “Don’t believe anything you hear, and only half of what you see.”


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6 thoughts on “Apocalypse Diary – The Shoe Falls

  1. John McDonald

    Dear Durga Ma,

    Very sorry about your Mum. 99 though – what an innings! (A British cricket expression.)

    I totally hear you re financial scarcity. I’m not long off the streets myself (a van actually,
    so not totally dire), after a second spell of homelessness in my life, by which I remain
    rather baffled and bewildered.

    You write elsewhere that “a world where everyone meditates…is a world of peace and plenty” –
    I do feel increasingly connected to Inner Peace, but ought we not to be exemplars of Plenty?

    Yours, with loving sympathy,

    John McDonald.


    1. If we look at the Big Picture, we are. I am continually in wonder at how I can have no income to speak of (less than $300 a month), but I still manage to have a roof over my head (so far), food to sustain the body, and the privacy to continue with sadhana. When I am in my practical mode, I am daunted. When I am in my more Piscean mode, my gratitude is HUGE.


  2. Bhagvad Gita 2-20
    na jayate mriyate va kadacin
    nayam bhutva bhavita va na bhuyah
    ajo nityah sasvato ‘yam purano
    na hanyate hanyamane sarire

    Meaning :

    For the soul there is neither birth nor death at any time. He has not come into being, does not come into being, and will not come into being. He is unborn, eternal, ever-existing and primeval. He is not slain when the body is slain.

    May the departed soul rest in peace.
    God Bless .


    1. Thank you. This is one on the many gems the Bhagavad Gita has to offer us as a reminder of WHAT we are and what we are not.

      Each of us is a ‘god’ in a in a body being human. A ‘god’, from ‘deva’ meaning ‘player’. We have come to play in our sandbox together as one family.


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