Apocalypse Diary 3

I find that the term “apocalypse” may actually be beginning to demonstrate its true meaning of “revelations”, “to uncover or reveal”. So what is being revealed?

1. The Give Forward and Mother’s Mandala projects are not taking off. This has caused me to consider that what I have to offer may not be of much interest or value to people, so now I am resigned to doing something about the situation on my own. This old bird is not fit for living on the streets, or roughing it in the woods anymore, though my heart will always be there (in the woods, that is). So now I must try to bring in some kind of income. Will this negatively affect my sadhana? Yes, it will. It will slow things down, and be very uncomfortable physically, as my recent travels have so adamantly proved. However, a point was reached some years ago that promises the continuation of the process on its own, whether I am in a meditation room or not, as was also proved during my travels. Sadhana goes on.

2. The journey across the continent, from California to Connecticut, has been eventful and telling. In my searches in various places for a place to live, each came to a screeching halt with unusual and unlikely situations that prompted me to consider them as “messages”—messages that seemed to be saying, “not here”, “not here”, until I was left with nowhere to go but home. So I came home.

3. Now that I am home, and have contemplated the events of the journey, it seems apparent that, in spite of the summer heat, here I’ll stay, and here I will try to bring in a living (interesting term). A daunting prospect. In considering my work with the people in Connecticut, I came to realize that when I was engaged in this work, I had no pain, no exhaustion, and no fibromyalgia “fog”. Very telling, I thought. Another “message”?

So I will pursue Life Mastery and give Life Readings here in Phoenix—as soon as I can figure out how to get started, and how to get found. This link will take you to my first foray into this world. If you have any “five star” comments that would make a good testimonial I would be very grateful. The link is here.

I will get back to the Bhagavad Gita series ASAP. If I am a seeker after enjoyment, this is definitely my cup of tea.

Love to you,
Durga Ma
durgama.com

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Apocalypse Diary 2

Sorry I missed you last week. Catching you up now:

4.12.14  Saturday – Lovely Spring Weather

I am staying in the town where my mother lived, and where I lived until the age of eight. Most of growing up after that was in another town a few miles away. It was more of a ‘home town’ to me, so I drove there to see Jane. We cruised the town together to see about the possibility of my moving there.

Jane drove us by the homes of our old high school friends and gave me a run down on who is doing what and where, who is still living and who isn’t. My, it is strange to be old. It’s not so much the oldness and it is the length of one’s past and all of that history.

Crossed it off as a possible place to live. The town is dying. Houses are literally falling in on themselves. Some of the homes of old friends included. Even main street business buildings are rotting where they sit; some have been demolished. Otherwise, absolutely nothing has changed, not even the sign on the Blue Inn Cafe. Not a smart place to put in time or money. Hardly anyone lives here any more except old people who moved here from other places years ago. When they’re gone, the town will probably sigh its last dying breath.

Picked up some art work my uncle Lew had left my mother and gave it to Jane to keep for me and enjoy. We are both art hounds.

4.13.14  Sunday – Tornados

Finally got some sleep last night, but woke feeling like I might be coming down with something. Nothing like funky food and endless pressure to set one up for getting sick. I’ll take a bunch of vitamins, stay in today, and outsmart it.

4.14.14  Monday – Snow!

False alarm. I’m not sick.

Said my last goodbyes to my mother. Her funeral was nicely done, and the pastor did not engage in lengthy speeches. It snowed as we buried her. She looked very natural. Jane went with me. Old school friends where there.

4.15.14  Tuesday – It’s Spring Again

Jane came over. We tied up loose ends, ate tater-tots, and said our goodbyes. I will miss her.

4.16.14  Wednesday

Headed to Kansas City today to see about the possibility of finding a place to live there.

The realtor and I played phone tag all day and never managed to get together. I may just leave for Connecticut tomorrow. Or maybe I’ll just tootle around her another day or so. I will go to Connecticut earlier than originally planned though, and try to recover, get rested—not an easy thing to do away from home.

This is such a beautiful city (except in certain areas, as in any city). I was stunned. I had forgotten how beautiful it is. Clinton was perfect, but I don’t think I want to live a secret life, which I would have to do there. And I don’t know if I could take the intolerance that abounds in small towns. Kansas City is a different kettle of fish. Looks like a hip California town in some parts, beautiful homes, many parks and tree-lined streets and boulevards. Couple of ashrams not far from here (where I’m staying).

4.17.14 Thursday

Decided to rest up today and head to Connecticut tomorrow. I’m too tired to tootle around. Maybe on the way back to Phoenix I’ll stop here again.

4.18.14

Headed to Connecticut. Sitting in the airport. Traveling has been unusually easy.

durgama.com

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Apocalypse Diary – The Shoe Falls

The next issue of the Bhagavad Gita (ch 1, vs 2-6) inexplicably disappeared without a trace. It is just gone, not even in the ‘trash’. I will try to remember what I wrote and get it to you asap. Meanwhile, I will be posting a journal for a few days in the hope of keeping you happy and coming back. 

Wednesday 4.9.14

Got a call this morning that mom is not doing well and Dr doesn’t expect her to last long. Thought about getting a taxi to the airport and finding the first flight to Kansas City. Realized that was rash and got online to discover that the only non-stop flight would leave before I got there; booked the next flight out at 7 pm.

Got word to two neighbors that I would be leaving, sat down, and the phone rang again. My mom is gone. My mom is gone and I wasn’t able to be there with her when she left her body. I so wanted to be there for her. But her pastor was there, and a social worker, with whom I spoke; very nice; I was glad she had been there.

Everything went smoothly to get to the airport and to the gate. I don’t walk well, so this was a blessing. Further blessing: first class was vacant so I got into first class with a very cheap upgrade, so the flight was also easy and I got fed, something I hadn’t thought about and which was essential if I wasn’t going to burn out on the first day. There would be much to do.

Found a decent hotel with a shuttle.

Thursday 4.10.14

Had a good sleep. Got going earlier than expected. Caught shuttle to airport to rent a car. Got to Clinton in time for meeting with Lyle (uncle) after finding and booking a hotel. Went to the funeral home to make arrangements for mom’s service and burial. Scheduled for Monday. Viewing starts at 10, service at 11, then burial.

Went to meet with mom’s pastor at Church of Christ. The three of us talked about her for two hours. Made arrangements with pastor to do her service. The women want to have food for everyone after burial. People there seem to be in awe of her. She had attended church regularly, driving herself there every Sunday until she went into the nursing home where pastor took communion to her every week. He visited her often, as did other members. Was glad to hear that she had so many people caring about her. She would have been 100 on July 20.

Uncle Lyle took me to dinner afterwards around 7. Hadn’t eaten since breakfast at the hotel. Had driven straight down to Clinton and been busy making arrangements all day.

Mom had some money in her checking account, and this would come to me as her only child. First thing I did was start giving it away … to her church, and to Uncle Lyle, whom I thought really deserved it, he did so much during the time I was bed-ridden myself for so many months, and he is so tired. He is 86. But I really must stop this kind of behavior. My situation is drastically dire. There isn’t enough money left to support me for many days. I must get practical and figure out how to put what money is left to work for me, rather than giving it all away and then going through what’s left and ending up on the streets after all (not joking here).

Jane called after I got in. Jane is an old high school friend that lives near by. She said, “I’m here. Use me”.

Can’t get to sleep. Too tired. Ate some left-overs from dinner at 3 am hoping to knock myself out. Emailed the funeral home to ask them to do the obituary. I can’t do it. My mind is not working.  Need to sleep. Need to get grounded. Will call Jane tomorrow.

Friday 4.11.14

Woke at 7 after only 2 hours of sleep. Immediately went to thoughts about yesterday, cheating memory of dreams out of recollection. Fooey!

Will call Jane today. This super excellent human being has her feet on the ground. Talking to her will cause this mind to be more sensible about things and maybe I’ll get my own feet on the ground! Jane is a BFF, truly.

Reminiscence:

Everything I hear about young girls today makes one think they are all back-biting little snoots. Is this what is really going on these days, or is this just “good copy” for media moguls who think that only bad things are of interest to people, and only bad things sell? Hard to tell for someone who is so out of the loop.

My own experience growing up was very different. All of the girls in my class in school were super nice, nice to each other, and nice to those who were less fortunate than they. It was rare that anyone did anything that hurt someone else. I only remember one or two times this happened, and when someone messed up, that person cleaned it up right away. 

Old saying: “Don’t believe anything you hear, and only half of what you see.”

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